Whether you’re single or partnered, everyone knows that Valentine’s Day is a great time for sharing. In this second edition of PC Mail we got the chance to talk about love, relationship and romance according to Farisha Aqillah (@farishaaqilla) in a soft spot writtings called “Why Love?: My Explanation Through The Stages of Romance”
Love. Loud, all-consuming, needy, messy, attention-seeking.
Then what’s with our obsession? Fact is, it’s one of the most common topics in media we consume, conversations with friends and family, we hear, read, talk about it day-to-day, it’s practically unavoidable. But why do we love? Let me explain what I think, obviously not scientific, but maybe, my explanation can enlighten even the most bitter of hearts. Let me take you through a journey, starting from the beginning of a budding romance.
Do You Feel The Spark Too?
You’re curious. What you have right now is cheeky and cute. Trying to impress one another through each other’s knowledge of music, exchanging songs containing secret messages. You tell your friends about them while they tease you, but you don’t hate it. Soon enough, meeting them becomes the highlight of your week. A spark inside you reignites and you’re wondering why you’ve only met someone as fit for you just now. The thought comes around, that maybe this can bloom.
With You, Everything Blooms
You’re sure you’re in LOVE. Even saying their name feels like a sweet release that rolls off your tongue like poetry. The unintentional rise in pitch on a phone call. The birth of “our song”. Everything feels so pretty. Things are made for just us two. The release of dopamine, increase in serotonin… you’re on a high whenever you’re with them (…like literally, scientifically high). Like a child with a brand new toy, you want to show them off to the whole world. Sparkly new toy, I love you.
Silence Is Comfortable With You
At this stage, you feel like both of you mesh into one. Seamlessly, it becomes an us, ours, we. You recognize their smell like it’s your own. You can enjoy being in each other’s presence even in silence. They give you a sense of belonging, knowing their love is yours to keep, and yours is theirs. You know they’re not perfect, but neither are you. Conflict is easily solved through communication… or shrugging it off, some things aren’t worth fighting about.
Taking Off The Rose Tinted Glasses
The things that didn’t bother you as much start to multiply in annoyance. Not feeling heard, not feeling appreciated, not reaching expectations, not being there enough. You’re starting to doubt, conflicts boil at this stage, “some of your imperfections might be something I can’t accept after all”. Too much, too little, it gets messy. It’s true that love is not enough for a relationship to work, some things become non-negotiable, some things become the make or break.
Our Fall/My Fall
There is no way to describe a breakup without sounding cliche. Heartbreaks hurt like hell. The anger, the time, the energy, the investment, the trust… erasing the idea of a shared future, I’ll do the laundry while you do the dishes, we’ll save up and get a place, we’ll travel anywhere we want to! You go back to an I, no more us, ours, we. Progress is not linear, but the ups and downs eventually stabilize.
Looking for Love, Again
You are at peace with why it ended. Though some things aren’t easy to understand, You are finally okay. You thank yourself for being present for you. Once again, you will crave a reignited spark, a sweet release, things that feel like they’re “made for just us two”. So, we’ll give and soak up love once again for that glimmer of hope that maybe this time, it could work.
Isn’t it great that one of the best things in life is never short of supply? We will continue to love and love again. Love, like breathing, is a part of living. It gives us new ideas, inspirations, and hope. Providing us with an array of emotions, making us feel more human, that we can enjoy, hurt, and bare so much. Love reminds us that although everyone is subject to change, someone to experience a shared present with is honestly, sometimes enough.
Love is loud, all-consuming, needy, messy, attention-seeking. But it’s also kind, forgiving, patient, and fulfilling.